Month: May 2010

Spring, Spring

Leilani has been making up a lot of things lately, made up words in made up languages, short stories, and little songs. Now that she’s taking singing lessons, her singing is much better, both for songs she knows and for ones she makes up.

But about a month ago, when we were seeing lots of wildflowers on our hikes, this creative phase was just starting, she sang these words with a little tune that didn’t sound bad (but nothing that I remember):

Spring, spring
Happy spring
Flowers are blooming

Spring, spring
Happy spring
Flowers are blooming

Oh how we wish to go outside
Oh how we wish to go outside
Oh how we wish to go outside

To meet some new flowers
Pick a whole bouquet for our Mommy
Meet the sunshine
Meet the sunshine

Carriages roll through town

I stopped her after that last line, because I could tell that the fact I was writing things down was encouraging her to keep going, which then made her look around for things to sing about (she has several toy carriages in her room). But the first part really was spontaneous and all from her.

On Praise

I have often been confused about praise. My parenting style can best be described as lovingly applied Behavior Modification – which relies heavily on positive and a bit on negative reinforcement. I have heard child psychologists views on it, but to me it seems the parenting style of choice because I can see it is working (and maybe because at the bottom of my heart I am still an engineer).

So my most used positive reinforcements are stickers on her reward chart, “privileges” (watch a movie, extra playdates, sweets…) and by far the number one – praise. I have very alternative friends, who did away with praising almost entirely and explained the reasons to me in a way I could not understand.

greatschools.org has an article about praise that shows how and why praising for the effort rather than the accomplishment will make a difference.

If your child shows you a drawing, and you respond with “You’re so talented! That picture is so pretty!” (“Praising the accomplishment”) The result? Your child could become afraid of trying hard in the future (“My next drawing might not be so good”), feel misunderstood (“It’s not pretty! I drew an ugly witch!”), and — kids being masters at spotting a con, even a well-meaning one — doubt your sincerity (“Come on, it’s not that pretty”).

Some examples:

The situation: Without you asking, your kid got her socks and shoes on and comes right down to breakfast.
Praising the accomplishment: “You got your socks and shoes on! What a good girl.”
Praising the effort: “You found socks to match and got your shoes on without any help. That was a lot to do on your own.”

The situation: Your child has built an elaborate block city.
Praising the accomplishment: “Wow! That’s the most amazing block structure I’ve ever seen! You’re going to be a world-famous architect.”
Praising the effort: “Look at how many blocks are in your city! I can tell you worked really hard on it, but it must have been a lot of fun to build.”

Easter

The Food We Eat

Blueberrysoup

Artichokes – one of our favorites

Fast food at our house

It tasted as good as it looked.

Homegrown apple

Cake (gone while I got the camera) and fruitsalad with cream.

More fast food

Breakfast

Random Photos 3/10

Our contribution to the greenpeace photo action to remind Obama of his promise to save the whales. Text by Leilani.

Please take action on the greenpeace site here

Our Jasmine is blooming on the deck

That was my birthday

And these are the latest photos of Leilani’s birthday in December – Thanks Hal and Sylvia