The Last Day Of School – Da Keiki Blog

After the last big blowout I decided not to talk to Robin anymore. I am really bad at de-escalating, and especially when I am still mad at a person… but maybe I should start where that last post left off. And since that last post also has a previous post, that is here.

So… mid-March, after my public meltdown Robin had sent Leilani’s stuff home, soaking wet as she had put an open water bottle on top of all the books, drawings and worksheets that Leilani had made in the past 7 months. I dried it, really spent hours on patting things dry, putting 2 rolls of paper towel between the pages, and pressing them with the help of huge stacks of books. Once they were dry I realized how little progress Leilani had made in English. It was highly upsetting, as the English language was the main reason for me to send Leilani there. In the beginning of the school year she was half-way through 1st grade, and that is where she was in the middle of March. Leilani had written about 300-500 words during that time (as a comparison, during that same time she finished 2 composition books at home, and a German workbook, wrote letters, postcards, birthday cards and emails.

Andy and Leilani wanted her to stay and finish the school year. Andy agreed to interface between Robin and me, drive Leilani to school, and pick her up most days, the few days I did it I barely left the car, and stayed at least 20 feet from Robin and did not speak a single word with her. Andy and I both agreed on continuing our demand that Leilani would not be taken on hikes, field trips, etc. without Andy being present and Andy relayed that information to Robin.

Robin sent me an email, saying Aloha and that she’d forgive me or something, I don’t quite remember, just that some of the details really raised my blood pressure. Andy deleted it, and said he’d manage and I did not respond.

I was not happy with the math they did, so I bought a new math book in the beginning of April, Andy brought it to school, asked Robin to use it instead, and according to him Robin agreed to use it … but to this day not a single page had writing on it, (came back today on the last day of school.)

For the last weeks Robin demanded Leilani’s days to be switched from Monday and Wednesday to Monday and Thursday, so she could be there when they’d rehears their big end-of-school presentation. We agreed, but Tuesday evening Robin informed Andy that there would be a hike on Thursday as well. Since Andy was on the mainland he could not go, and he knew I would not go either he asked to switch back her going on Wednesday. I did not even ask to hear the details of that conversation, as it is not good for my stress-management.

I brought Leilani on Wednesday, cancelled my appointments for Thursday and did not talk to Robin.

This week the same thing happened… Robin and Andy talked on the phone, Robin demanded Leilani to be there for both rehearsals on Tuesday and Wednesday. She also talked Andy into allowing Leilani to go on a “little” hike with them on Wednesday. Of course that was very much against all the agreements that I remembered, and had also given Robin in writing back in March. (“Given all this, I must insist that Leilani may not go on any field trip unless Andy or I are present for the entire trip, or one of us gives signed and explicit written permission which needs to include date and location of the field trip.” )

At the end of the school day Tuesday Andy thought better of it, and since he did not have the time to stay the whole day, and Robin did not want to call him 15 minutes before the hike so he could attend, he decided to not bring her to school the next day. She did offer to cancel the hike, but since we already once heard once that “…we can not do fun stuff when Leilani is there because your mommy does not allow it…” Andy choose to not take her up on it. At least I think that was his main reason… (and no, Andy does not approve of this post…He did forward me the email but preceded it with“This is FYI, and not to be shared or forwarded. It will create a lot of social conflict if you do.”)

—– Forwarded Message —–
From: robin
To: Andy
Sent: Tuesday, May 28, 2013 9:36 PM
Subject: In regards to this Thursday

Dear Andy,

After much reflection and multiple upsetting events these last few months, and your last minute decision that Leilani will not be attending
school tomorrow, a critical day before our final presentation, I regret to inform you that I have decided that Sonja
is not welcome to attend Thursday morning, our last school day of the year. It is our hope that Leilani and
you, Andy, will attend and participate for the sake of all our students, and families.

After almost 30 years of teaching this program, I know it to be essential to our school community that we have a solid working alliance, communication and cooperation between the parents/families and the staff at KEA Homeschool. Unfortunately, this has not occurred for all of us.

Leilani has been a lovely addition to our class this last year, and our staff has observed how much she has benefited socially by being a part of our group.

Please let me know that you and Leilani will be here Thursday. We all would appreciate Leilani being a part of our last, special day.

Sincerely,

Robin

So, Andy drove up to the school, talked to Robin and I called my friends to try to see what was up, if they knew what I had done. I mean, I realize I am socially awkward, clueless, and don’t just have one foot in my mouth, it could be both and then a hand on top of it… but if I avoid someone to that extend for 2 months, not even I manage to say something bad, tactless, or cause any other trouble… Nobody knew anything. Andy talked Robin into letting me attend, and under the conditions that I behave, and stay civil and stay away from Robin. So I got permission, but I do not want to go. Andy and Leilani really want me to go, it’s Leilani’s big day… I went anyway, behaved, and did not really enjoy it (although I am glad I did, as Leilani was great)

1 thought on “The Last Day Of School”

Last week Robin called Andy and complained bitterly about me and threatened the lawsuit if we would not remove this post, and the video of Leilani reading.

One of the parents who had 3 kids / stepkids at Robin’s school created a youtube account and commented on my video, calling me nasty, overbearing and my video crap.

So Andy and I tried to give her a chance for peace, sending her this email:

To: Robin
Sent: Friday, August 30, 2013 3:40 PM
Subject: Reply from Sonja

Hi Robin,

I talked to Sonja about what you said. She posted these items because she felt you were not receptive nor responsive to her previous concerns (both in email and in person). She is open to removing all of her postings and videos about you if you acknowledge and reply to her concerns. Here are her conditions (as she told me to tell you):

Sincere apology for losing Leilani on the Nounou hike on September 27, 2012. In this apology, take full responsibility for losing children in *your* care on that hike, including acknowledging the actual time they were lost (Leilani believes 5-10 minutes before they met a hiker and used her cell phone to call Sonja and around 7 minutes on the phone, as verifiable by cell phone records). In this apology, do not blame any children or other teachers for this incident or downplay it’s importance and the stress it caused for Leilani and Sonja.

Reply meaningfully to *every* point in the “safety” email from March 11th that Sonja sent you, the body of which I reproduce here. A meaningful reply acknowledges the facts as presented here and responds to them, not denies them. If you believe there are false statements of fact here, state your viewpoint, and we will open a dialogue about them:

“I’d like an explanation, and if possible fix what seems like a big problem to me: I feel there is a lack of supervision and guidance as well as missing of safety procedures and rules. I would like to know if there is a reason or a philosophy behind it – in which case I’d like to read up on it or be explained the background, or if there are no reasons I’d like to know if something can be done to fix what I perceive as danger to my child.”

“I arrive at this conclusion because in less than half a year 2 children went missing for more than 15 minutes during a hike, because there is no buddy system for field trips, because children were running totally out of control at the playground, there were 2 accidents that had broken skin in one case and a lot of blood in the other and there was not the slightest involvement, reprimanding or trying to calm the energy (like a meditation, or game or just telling them they need to be calmer). I also heard Larissa left the school, rode her bike home and was back before anyone knew she was missing. I was also disappointed with the complete lack of supervision on the boat, which I perceive as a dangerous place and the rules (life vest, no jumping on the trampolines, no hanging on the railing…) that were not followed or had exceptions that left me struggling explaining to the rest of the kids how come it’s OK if Ocean does it and not OK for the rest of them. I have heard, mainly from Leilani talking to her friends but also directly that there is no supervision at recess, and that “…the only reason Robin would get involved is if someone beat Kanoe until she cried…” The explicit reason for this discussion was that a chorus of other children had chanted an insult to Kanoe until she cried, but there were many other situations involving unsafe behavior, mild violence and bullying that Leilani and sometimes her friends told me about.”

“I strongly believe in prevention. I use seat belts, bike helmets, insurance and still hold Leilani’s hand on a dangerous road. I believe in trying to identifying unsafe, dangerous situations and sources of conflict before situations escalate or accidents happen. I believe in a few simple safety and social rules. I believe these rules are even more important for kids that are slightly on the autistic spectrum. And I believe not even middle schoolers should be left completely unsupervised at recess, or on playgrounds or on hikes or boats, not even for a few minutes.”

Reply meaningfully to the following text that Sonja published on her blog (please read the background at http://simplify-your-life.com/blog/?p=5149) but did not send to you directly:

“I do understand and know the theory of the law of attraction, and positive thinking, and I really believe they can be beautiful additions to a more … rooted … in lack of a better word … safety program. I do appreciate that you pray for the kids, but I still have concerns.”

“The law of attraction attracts to the person doing the attracting. You can’t practice this for others. I just recall an incident in Sedona last year, several people died while on a seminar which was teaching them about the law of attraction. 2 spiritual teachers I personally know (I had the names there but won’t post that on the blog, as one of them just happened weeks ago) lost a child within less than three years, while dozens or hundreds of people prayed for them. These things are personal.”

“I feel some of the things you said almost sounded as if I – with my worry and negative thinking – drew all the accidents and strange situations.”

Apologize to Sonja for what happened on March 13th, 2 days after you had a talk about the safety email above.
Rescheduling outings at the last day/minute after Sonja asked for 1 week notice.
Putting Sonja on the spot in front of the children and parents.
Invading Sonja’s “personal space” by touching her after being asked not to, thus causing a scene in front of children and parents.

Apologize to Leilani for ruining her work. You may not know it, but the box of Leilani’s work that we received from you had an open/leaking water bottle on top which caused hours of clean-up for Sonja and destroyed many of Leilani’s art and school work.

Do not talk about Sonja with others, especially parents, even if they initiate the questions. Upon meeting these conditions, both parties agree to state to anyone who asks about this situation that “We (Sonja and Robin) have discussed our differences and resolved our issues to the satisfaction of both of us.”

All of these conditions should be met or agreed to in writing, either by email or printed letter. Unless by mutual agreement, the apology will be kept private by both you and Sonja. When Sonja’s conditions are met, she will make private all of her text/image/video that contain criticism of you (she reserves the right to publish non-critical photos or text, for example the end-of-year show).

All of this is what Sonja asked me to send to you, and she has reviewed and approved the contents of this email.

Regards,

Andy

Sadly, all she had to say to this email was the following:

From: robin
Sent: Sunday, September 1, 2013 2:16 PM
Subject: Re: Reply from Sonja

I’m done.

A cup of compassion to you all.

I only wish the best for Leilani’s well-being, and security.

I do not know if that means that she is backing away from her lawsuit.

1 thought on “The Last Day Of School”

Leave a Reply